Inner Awakening and Self Development

​​Time to do some inner awakening and self development.  When we go through life changing events there is no better time to really take a look at ourselves and determine how we can be a better person for ourselves, the people in our lives, and anyone new we allow in.  Reading books from others perspectives on how to maximize our potential and be the best versions of ourselves provides insight we can't get on our own, so I'm delving into these books while looking to improve myself :)
 
I know I have several issues that I need to learn to control and use for better purposes, or just not to do at all, here are a couple of them.  First off, I have the need to always be right...problem is, about 90% of the time I am, causes quite a conundrum for me!  Because along with this need to always PROVE I'm right is my obsessively competitive nature, more on that in a bit.  I'm a well educated person that loves to constantly learn and know what is going on in the world around me, so I do know a lot, but the problem is...I don't ALWAYS have to show that I'm right.  What purpose does it serve, other than to stroke my ego, to prove I know the answers to a lot of things?  There is a place and a time to share information, and THAT'S what I need to remember, if people ask me if I know the answer for something, or it fits in with a conversation that's fine, but I need to not interject and make a point out of knowing what I do if it isn't serving a higher purpose to help others learn...this is my challenge and one I will be actively working on.

Now, back to the obsessively, intensely, competitive nature...this one is a toughy for me.  I've been this way as long as I can remember, ask my family, they get a lot of laughs at my expense over this one!  They love to think up stupid challenges just to be entertained because they know I won't back down from any of them, hahaha! 
 
Here is an example of how ridiculous I can be, I tend to lose a little control when competition and adrenaline get together, lethal combination for my nature, haha!  On my 40th birthday I went mountain biking at the local trail, I was feeling super strong and had on my Strava biking app where other bikers can compete against each other for the fastest times on the trail.  Well, I knew I was on a PR time and the adrenaline was through the roof...that's what happens when I get competitive, waaaaayyyy too much adrenaline.  So, I come around one of the last corners before the end of the trail, and next thing I know I'm off my bike sitting in the middle of the trail in a sandy patch.  I looked around and realized my front tire must have hit the gnarly, crossed up root in that corner at just the wrong angle and launched me into the sand...well, no time to worry about that, I needed to quickly hop back on my bike and finish my PR Ride!  So, I went to stand up and my left foot completely gave out from under me...what the heck?  There was no pain, nothing, just was not able to use my foot, it was completely collapsed.  So, I started hollering for my husband and other biking friends who I could hear in the parking lot talking.  They immediately knew something was wrong and came running, my husband got to me first...and here's the really stupidly, awful competitiveness kicking in overtime...I literally tell him to take my backpack that had my phone with the Strava app still running, and tell him to quickly run past the finish of the trail (just around the corner) so I would get  the full ride with my fastest times....yeah....pretty.bad.  He of course looked at me like I was a lunatic, and rightly so, and kudos to him for telling me no, even when I insisted...well, it ended up that I broke my foot in three places and needed plates and screws.  But, here is where my competitive nature actually helped me, I didn't stop riding my bike once my foot healed, I got right back on and wasn't going to let the fear of getting hurt hold me back.  I love to mountain bike and wasn't going to let a little setback like that stop me, but I did learn my lesson to not be so ridiculously stupid with it, that's just plain dumb, haha!!  But, it does give you an idea of the extent of my competitiveness and how I CLEARLY need to learn to control it, before it gets me into more serious trouble.
 
I also need to NEVER, ever again, play Monopoly with my significant other, that is just asking for trouble, haha!!  You can ask my daughter Aroon and her friend Alissa...I think we traumatized her.  It was NOT a "family time" moment, that's for sure, it was very cold, out for blood competition between me and my ex and didn't end well.  I don't think he and I spoke to each other for the rest of the night...so I learned my lesson with that one, just.don't.do.it...DON'T.
 
I have been able to successfully use my competitive nature as an athlete, both as a kid with running, and even as an adult with mountain biking, and within my business, without causing harm to others.  But, there are instances where I do stupid stuff in the name of competitiveness or get competitive with people I shouldn't...these are the situations I have to be wary of and instead focus my competitive nature on positively growing and building my art business to be the most successful I can...this will be my competitive focus (along with sports) for the most part going forward, turning what can easily be a negative for me into a positive :)
 
By looking within ourselves and our actions we can understand who we are and how we can fix ourselves, if we never delve deeper and acknowledge our faults we can't fix them.  It's not always easy to dig deep and face the parts of ourselves that need to be worked on, but we can't be the person we should be and deserve to be if we deny ourselves that insight.
 
By speaking out loud about our faults, and sharing with others, it makes us really look deep into how we can better ourselves and hopefully inspire people to do the same for themselves...share your story!.  We should always be striving to grow and mature throughout our entire lives, we are always a work in progress, just like my art :)